


Oh, My First Love!

by MisterDay



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:55:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22973653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisterDay/pseuds/MisterDay
Summary: Takes place after Episode 15 of Season 16.Levi had begged Nico to stay and regretted it now. He couldn't face his boyfriend anymore, not after what he said. Levi had two options now, continue to pretend everything was normal just to keep Nico or accept to let him go.
Relationships: Nico Kim/Levi Schmitt
Comments: 32
Kudos: 164





	1. This is your Grindr account...

**Author's Note:**

> I know I should finish my other fanfictions but when I watched episode 15 of season 16 I had to write something. They are my favourite couple and although I'm putting them through a rough period, there's still hope for them ;)

Eyes closed, body curled up in a fetal position facing the wall, Levi was listening to Nico putting his clothes back on. The bunk bed suddenly dipped from added weight as Nico bend over to kiss his cheek before storming out of the on-call room. Gripping the blanket tightly, Levi tried his best to suppress the quivering of his body. He had been so scared to lose Nico that he begged him to stay, which led them to have a meaningless quickie. Sex with Nico was always wonderful, but this time it felt wrong. When Nico touched him, kissed him or took him, Levi had felt nothing. And now that he left, the intern felt empty and dirty. Until lately, he stupidly thought that they shared something, a small bound that made their lovemaking special. But today, after what Nico told him, Levi was feeling like a hookup.

A low whimper escaped the barrier of his lips despite himself, suddenly, his whole body gave up and he let his emotions take over. Hiding his face in the pillow, he tried to muffle the sound of his breaking voice but in vain. It didn't matter though, outside the room the corridors were filled with too much noise, no one will hear him. But why did he care if someone hears him? He couldn't feel more humiliated right now.

After what felt like hours, his body stopped shivering, completely worn out. Staring at the wall, he felt as void as earlier if not more. He refused to move. In his pocket, his phone vibrated. Realizing he couldn't hide any longer, he checked it. Taryn had called him twenty times for the past ten minutes and left him at least thirty messages, all of them to ask him to quickly get change and meet them at Joe's.

A night out with his friends didn't seem like a bad idea. He struggled to get up and stopped when putting his hand on the doorknob. He took a long breath before opening the door and quickly made his way to the locker room. After changing, Levi splashed some cold water on his face, refusing to meet his friends until he looked better.

His phone vibrated again. It was another message from Taryn.

_T- Hurry Glasses! Nico's waiting for you ;)_

Reading his name on the screen felt like a stab in his heart. If he was there, the evening couldn't end well. Deep down, he knew he didn't have the force to pretend any longer, it had been hard enough to do so with Nico. How could he put on a fake smile and act like everything was good? It wasn't their first fight, but this one was even worse than what Nico said to him after Josh died. This time, Nico told him what kind of relationship he wanted with Levi, but that wasn't what he wanted.

With shaky hands, Levi searched through his phone to download an app on Play Store.

**_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_ **

At Joe's, Casey and Taryn were pacing in the bar. They knew Levi was rarely on time but to be this late and mostly this silent wasn't like him at all. While Taryn kept checking her phone, Casey went outside to see if he could spot Levi.

"Relax Helm!" Meredith joked. "It had been a rough day for him, so let him take his time to change and join us."

The blond smiled nervously, checking her phone for the hundredth time in five minutes.

"Any news?" Link asked from behind Taryn, glancing at the young woman's phone for an answer.

"No!" She sighed dramatically.

"Relax Helm! I'm sure he's doesn't want to rush and trip on his shoelaces."

She laughed, but even the attending's joke couldn't lift her mood. Maybe she was just nervous because she and Casey prepared this event for weeks and wanted it to be perfect for their friend who deserved it. Yeah! That must be it! She was just nervous.

As if he sensed her distress, Nico appeared with a beer in his hand for her. She gladly took it and drank half of it in one gulp.

"Woah! Slow down, Helm!" Miranda demanded.

"Sorry Chief! Just nervous!"

"I can see that. Look, everything's perfect. The banner is great, Levi's colleagues are here, his friends are here and his boyfriend is here. Everything. Is. Under. Control."

"Right! You're right!" And with that, she finished her beer in one gulp.

While Helm was trying to calm her poor nerves, Meredith went to the bar, she was about to ask Joe for a drink when Hayes appeared with two glasses of red wine.

"What a gentleman!" She exclaimed happily.

"Gentleman is my middle name, indeed!"

They both laughed and sat on opposite stools. Around them, the room was filled with doctors talking and moving all around to finish the last preparations, yet the two of them fell into a comfortable silence that Meredith felt the need to break.

"I'm surprised to see you here."

"How so?"

"This is a surprise party for Levi and Nico, and you don't know them, not really I mean."

"Oh! Because you do?" He asked playfully.

She looked at him with a shock expression, which softened almost immediately. Sure she knew them and so did he. What he meant was that they weren't friends with the young couple.

"Fair enough."

They clinked their glasses with a coy smile and sipped their wine, their eyes sparkling but not from the neon lights of Joe's bar.

The front door suddenly slammed open, making everyone in the room jumped. Casey ran back in and closed the door.

"He's coming!"

"Ok! Everyone takes their place. Hurry!" Yelled Miranda.

**_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_ **

Hands deep in his pockets, Levi walked at a slow pace towards Joe's bar. He had hesitated to come. It would've been easier to send a message saying he wasn't feeling well and just wanted to go home and sleep, but he couldn't. His home now was Nico's apartment and it was impossible for him to go back there, not after what Nico told him and definitely not after what he was about to do. Despite the slowness of his walk, he found himself in front of Joe's too quickly. Taking a long deep breath, Levi put his hand on the door handle and entered the bar. As soon as he stepped inside, he heard a loud choir screaming.

"HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!"

Jumping in surprise, he closed absentmindedly the door while looking at the crowd gathered in front of him, the attendings of Grey+Sloan, his friends and Nico who were the only clients tonight. With big goofy smiles on their faces, they clapped their hands and cheered at him. At first, he didn't quite register what was happening, but then he saw it. Above their heads was a big blue banner, the same blue as Levi's scrubs. On the banner, written in capital letters were the words: " _ **HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!**_ "

Covering his mouth with his hands, Levi started laughing nervously. That simple laugh turned out into a hysterical one. The smiles on his friends' faces turned into skeptical ones as their concern for the young man intensified. Soon, Levi's whole body started to shiver uncontrollably. His laughter turned into sobs and tears started streaming down his face.

Embarrassed by his boyfriend's behaviour, Nico took a step forward to try to calm him, but the intern took a step back which alarmed everyone in the room.

"Don'!" Levi growled through his tears before starting to mutter apologies under his breath. "I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I can't!" Levi muttered.

Taking a few deep breaths, Levi started regaining control of his body and stared at his boyfriend, trying to ignore the persistent look of worry in his friends' eyes. Taking a step forward, Levi extended his right hand to Nico.

"Give me your phone please, there's something I need to show you."

Unaware of what he was up to, Nico decided to obey and gave Levi his phone. The young intern started to go through it while muttering something unclear. After a few minutes, Levi gave his phone back. Puzzled by what his boyfriend might have done, Nico decided to take a look at it. Turned out, Levi left an app open and what Nico saw left him breathless.

"What does that mean, Levi?"

"It means, I tried Nico, I really tried... But I can't do this anymore!" He replied with tears in his eyes.

"I don't understand. What. Is. This?" Nico asked between greeted teeth.

"You told me earlier that you didn't want to talk about feelings, that you're not good at it and then you told me the only thing you wanted from me were the stolen moments in the on-call rooms. But that's not what I want, yet I begged you to stay because I was scared to lose you."

Sniffing quickly, Levi focused on Nico and on how to put into words, the shame and the pain he was feeling.

"Before, when I thought you and I shared something more meaningful than just sex, it made our lovemaking awesome. It made me feel loved and complete. But today, after you fucked me in that on-call room, I felt empty and dirty, because I realized I was just a hookup to you."

Teeth clenched, Nico feared to understand what Levi was saying, but the phone in his hand was confusing.

"So, what is this?" He asked again, and this time Levi answered.

"This is your Grindr account. I created it for you a few minutes ago."

Around them, their colleagues and friends frowned at the intern. If, as they suspected, this was a rough period for the couple, they were skeptical and slightly disturbed by how Levi chose to handle it. Nico was as lost as the rest of them and needed answers.

"You were wrong, I don't want to change you. In fact, I think that's me who isn't good enough for you. That's why I created your Grindr account. The men on this app don't want to talk about feelings, they just want intimacy, just like you."

Frowning at the intern, Nico was almost too afraid to understand.

"I still don't get it."

Levi sighed, he tried to make Nico understand so he didn't have to say the actual words, the words that were gonna make his decision real. But he clearly needed to. He took a deep breath and gathered the courage to look him in the eyes and to just spit it out.

"We're done..." A small gasp coming from Taryn echoed in the now silenced bar. "I am done, Nico! You want things I cannot give you... Not anymore!"

Struck by the realization, Nico was paralyzed, incapable to think straight. Levi didn't let him time to process and left the bar, his heart aching more than it ever had. As the door closed, the whole crowd was left struck by the breakup. Taryn was in tears and comforted by Casey who glared at Nico's back at the same time as Link who has never been more disappointed by his friend.

"You ok?" Cormac murmured to Meredith who had put a hand on her heart.

She looked at him and shook her head. "I need to check on him!"

"Lead the way!" He said putting his coat back on.

**_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_ **

Running back to the hospital, Meredith took the lift to start her search of Levi from the top floor.

"I don't get it," Cormac said as the doors closed. "I'm not saying you're not a sensitive person, but you're not the kind of attending who cares about her interns either."

Meredith looked at him and smiled, not even hurt by his statement.

"You're right! We don't really care about our interns here, even though we should. But he's special, in many ways."

Hayes looked at her with raised eyebrows before asking. "Care to elaborate?"

Meredith thought about telling him but decided to manage the suspense. "He's a baby-George."

"George. As in..."

Judging by the frown on his face he really didn't know who she was talking about.

"As in George O'Malley. Why am I not surprised Cristina never talked about him?"

"Who was he?" He asked genuinely curious.

"My best friend. We were interns together here. And when I look at Levi, I see George. They are so alike it is scary sometimes."

They were almost on the top floor now.

"So, you care about that intern because he reminds you of your friend?"

The lift stopped and the door opened.

"That and the fact that he has broken heart syndrome." She said before quickly getting out of the lift.

"He what?"

Hayes was baffled, he heard about that syndrome but never met someone who had it. He followed Meredith through the corridors of the immense hospital. After a few minutes of searching in every room possible, Meredith came to a stop.

"I can't believe it! Even the nurses who are the biggest gossips in the hospital don't know where he is!" Stated a furious Meredith.

"Relax, we're going to find him. Does he have a favourite place to go when he's stressed?"

Hands in hair, Meredith thought hard. They could check all the on-call rooms since he and Nico loved to spend time there but...

"I know!" She gasped. "When I diagnosed him with the broken heart syndrome he was so high from the medication he confessed he had a favourite on call-room he likes to go to."

"He has a favourite on-call room?" Cormack asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yes, who doesn't?"

"Me?"

Meredith looked at him, searching for something to say. "Shut up!"

The attending laughed as he followed her to the third floor. They entered the room and found Levi curled up on the floor, whimpering from the pain in his chest. Quickly closing the door before anyone sees him like this, Meredith kneeled in front of him.

"Levi! Come on, I know it's hard but take a deep breath."

"I can't!" He almost yelled. "It hurts!"

"I know! But I can't give you meds, you need to slow down your breathing. Focus on my voice."

"I want it to stop!" He cried.

"Stop what?"

"The pain! Please, make it stop."

Meredith's hands were shaking and she didn't know what to do. She couldn't give him meds, she was lost.

"Alright, I'll do it!" Said Hayes as he took his coat and shirts off before kneeling behind Levi.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked pointing at his naked torso.

"Helping baby-George without medicine."

He put Levi in a sitting position despite his protests, then circled the intern's chest with his right arm while his left one pressed his head against his chest, right above his heart. The position wasn't uncomfortable but Levi felt like suffocating and wriggled in his the attending's hold.

"Hayes stop! You're hurting him!"

"Sometimes you must hurt to heal. Trust me!"

Meredith looked him in the eyes and despite her feelings right now, Hayes seemed to know how to handle the situation. She nodded slightly and he continued.

"Alright, Schmitt! Now, listen to my heartbeats, focus on them."

After a few minutes, Levi still sobbed a little but stopped squirming.

"That's right! Shh..."

A few minutes later, Levi was still and had fallen asleep.

"What did you do?" Meredith asked still in shock to see that it worked.

"It's the Kangaroo Hold."

She looked at him with a baffled expression now. "You used the Kangaroo Hold to stop a Broken Heart Syndrome?"

"Didn't know it would work, but it did." He smiled at her. "So what's the plan now?"

Her smile faded as she thought about what to do.

"I'm going to take him home with me, he can sleep on the couch in the living room."

"Doesn't he have a house?"

Shaking her head, Meredith answered."He lives with Nico."

Silence fell over them until Hayes felt the need to ask a question. "How did you know he was gonna go through so much pain?"

Meredith looked at Levi then at the attending holding him. "Because Nico is his first love."


	2. ...And This Is Your Tinder Account.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is!!!! My second chapter! I still can't believe how long it took me to write it >o<
> 
> I'm sorry for the delay but I finally came up with a good chapter 2, at least I think it's good, I let you judge the quality of this second chapter.

Meredith woke up the next morning after only three hours of sleep. Sure she was a surgeon, one of the best in the country, and was used to sleep one hour here, three hours there almost every day. But today was different, she didn't go to sleep after an exhausting shift at the hospital, after saving her patients' lives. No, she went to bed after a terrible evening where she witnessed a breakup and her favourite intern suffering from his broken heart syndrome. Cristina would laugh at her for taking Levi home with her, probably calling Levi a stray dog but she wasn't there and Meredith didn't have the heart to leave him on his own, scared of what he might do. She was really glad Cormac stayed with her to search for Levi and was even more grateful for his help, he didn't have to. And, like the gentleman that he is, carried Levi to his car and drove them to her house.

Deep in her thoughts, she was startled when a car honked outside, snapping her out of her reverie. She stopped in her tracks, wondering who was doing that, but after a few seconds' silence, she continued to prepare for work. She grabbed her purse and went to an empty living room. Raising her eyebrows, she searched through the ground floor, looking for her missing intern, then went upstairs to Amelia's room to see if her sister could help her.

She knocked gently in case she was still sleeping but received a soft reply. She entered the room and was surprised to find Levi curled up on her bed, his head resting on her sister's laps. Amelia was absentmindedly caressing his curls.

"What is going here?" Meredith asked quietly.

Amelia shrugged. "Found him on the kitchen floor last night, crying and grabbing his chest, I didn't want to leave him alone, not after what happened last night." She replied as quietly.

"How do you know what happened?"

Before Amelia could reply the truth popped into her mind and they said at the same time: "Maggie."

"He's supposed to work today," Meredith added with a sigh.

"I don't think he can."

"Yes, he can! And he will, I'm going downstairs, wake him up and tell him to meet me in," she paused and looked at her watch, "let's say fifteen minutes."

Not wanting her sister to argue, she closed the door and went to make some coffee. This was going to be a long day for both of them. As she set two coffee cups on the kitchen counter, someone knocked on her front door. Frowning, she went to open it, revealing a freezing Cormac.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith asked with a smile on her face.

"I was scared you didn't hear me beeped at you."

"That was you?" She asked pointing him with her finger.

"I promised to give you and baby George a ride to the hospital yesterday, but I guess you forgot."

Closing her eyes, she cursed herself for forgetting that before letting him in.

"So, how is he?" Hayes asked while sitting on a kitchen stool.

"No improvement." She answers sitting in front of him.

"I guess a broken heart cannot begin to recover with just a good night's sleep."

"Well, it could but only if you can sleep."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, then Meredith got up to pour them some coffee.

"Are you sure he's ready to work?" Hayes asked. "I mean, he's a good intern and if he didn't sleep well that's an even better reason to let him rest."

"And let Kim have the pleasure to know he won?"

"This isn't a war Meredith and I don't think Doctor Kim will rejoice at the idea of having hurt Levi."

"He didn't just hurt him Cormac! He broke his heart! Nico is Levi's first love and it is common knowledge that first loves are the most beautiful yet most hurtful relationships."

"So what? We go to the hospital and hurt Nico all day long for what he did?" Hayes sighed and put his hand on Meredith's arm. "Meredith, they both went through enough pain don't you think?"

Meredith hated to admit she was wrong, but Cormac had a point. Despite her resentment, she forced herself to calm down, although the attending's hand helped too.

"Alright, what do you have in mind?"

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO** _

The ER was busing with patients coming in, Link swore he never saw so many broken bones during one shift and it had just started. His first five patients had minor injuries so he let the nurses treat them and discharge them as quickly as possible. Unfortunately for him, Link had to stitch up some patients and put aside the ones who needed surgeries for now since his fellow was late. After what happened last night Link guessed Nico would be late today, too bad he was late the day patients decided to storm inside the ER.

"What's happening here?" Meredith asked, entering the ER with Levi and Hayes.

"Oh, great you're here!" Link let out a sigh of relief. "A protest got out of hand. Many minor traumas and just as many surgeries."

"It's gonna be a big day! Schmitt, you're staying with me." Grey replied.

"Hold on Meredith! I want Schmitt with me, I'm gonna need his help on surgeries." Replied Link.

"No way I'm letting him near your second half." She argued.

"He's late and I need someone to assist me right now, Schmitt is the intern that worked the most with me and a little girl is waiting for her arm to be fixed."

Meredith hesitated before allowing Levi to scrub in with Link. Before the Ortho God left she asked. "What about your fellow?"

"If you see him, tell him to treat the minor cases, my order."

"He won't like that."

"Well, next time he better be on time!" He replied before rushing to the OR.

After he left, Meredith turned around and was surprised that Hayes was still behind her. "Aren't you supposed to be on the Peds floor by now?"

"Nothing urgent awaits me for now and I thought you could use a helping hand." He smiled.

Meredith smiled back, she arrived at Grey+Sloan pretty upset at the idea of spending the day with a heartbreaker but whenever she felt down, Cormac always found a way to make her day better. They spent the next two hours treating patients and scheduling surgeries when Nico came to the ER, out of breath. Meredith was about to go and tell him about Link's order but the Ortho attending arrived at that moment.

"Well, look who decided to grace us with his presence!"

From her vantage point, Meredith could take a good look at the fellow and it hurt to admit it but he wasn't looking good.

"I'm sorry Link! I have no excuse!" Nico answered lamely.

"You're damn right!"

The fellow clenched his teeth, sensing the double meaning in this statement.

"Alright, Nico! As you can see people keep rushing in, we're overwhelmed so you're going to treat the minor cases."

Nico frowned. "Isn't it the interns' and nurses' job?"

He regretted his words as soon as Link glared at him. "Well, today it's your job, is it a problem?"

Nico looked down for a moment before answering. "No Link!"

"Great! You better start now and," he stopped and got closer to Nico, "next time, I won't tolerate your lateness, got it?"

Unable to speak, the fellow nodded his head and went to his first patient.

Meredith watched Nico deflated and felt almost bad for him. Almost.

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO** _

Link and Levi spent the rest of the day repairing bones in the OR, the attending careful as to not talk about Nico or their disastrous first anniversary. Instead, he decided that every word that would come out of his mouth would only be to teach Levi. Surprisingly enough, spending the day teaching to someone and thinking only about work was a good way to avoid having to face his problems. Not only Levi was a good student, very receptive to what Link told him but, maybe out of boredom, Levi started to chitchat about ridiculous yet funny things. But Link wasn't a fool, Levi was also very sensible of other people's feelings and he had that strange gift to make people laugh mainly when they think they can't.

During one surgery, an easy one, Link felt comfortable with letting Schmitt do it while he watched him. Well, that's what he was supposed to do but as soon as he stopped busying his hands, he felt himself getting lost in his thoughts. He didn't want to but he couldn't help but think about Amelia, she was an obsessive thought he tried to get out of his mind but failed. The idea of being a father to her baby and a partner to her was so tempting it broke him when she took it away from him.

So lost in his train of thoughts he didn't hear Levi call him.

"What?"

"I asked if everything was ok?" Levi asked unsurely.

"Yes, sure!" Link replied a little too quickly.

"I'm almost done, do you want to close up?"

Link smiled at his talented student. "No, you're doing a pretty good job."

Levi smiled behind his mask and continued to work under the watchful eyes of his attending.

The hours passed and Link did his best to keep Levi occupied and away from Nico. It would have been easier if instead of coming in late Nico had decided to take the day off, but here he was and Link had to keep him away from both Levi and himself. It killed Link to treat a young man he considered as a friend like that, but Nico's behaviour had been so disappointing that he didn't have a choice.

Handing a chart to a nurse, Link took a look outside and was surprised to see it was already dark outside. They've been so busy today he didn't pay attention at what time it was.

"Doctor Lincoln?" Levi's voice came from behind him.

"Yes?" Link asked, turning around.

"My shift's over but I wanted to check if you didn't need me for something."

Link smiled at the young man's dedication and shook his head. "No, I'm fine! You should go home and rest."

Instead of answering, Levi put his arms around his middle. Frowning, Link turned around and saw Nico behind him. "Go home, Levi! I'll see you tomorrow."

Without hesitating any longer, Levi turned around and headed for the locker room.

"Nico, do you want something?"

Jaw clenched and arms crossed, Link guessed Nico wasn't here to have nice chitchat.

"What's your deal, Link?"

"Can you be more precise?" The attending answered innocently.

"I was on scut all-day instead of in the OR with you!"

Frowning, Link's behaviour changed suddenly, knowing exactly where this conversation was heading. "I already told you! You want to be in the OR, be on time!"

"Come on! You won't make me believe the only reason I was on scut is that I was late, not when you kept Levi with you all day when he was supposed to be with Doctor Grey. You're mad at me!"

Despite his boiling anger, Link decided to play dumb with Nico.

"You're wrong Doctor Kim. I chose Levi over you because he needed my teaching more than you do and he's a good learner I must add."

"Oh, please! I saw the way you look at me! You're not mad because I was late this morning. I know you Link and I know you're mad at me because of what I did to Levi so stop denying it!" Nico almost yelled.

"You want honesty? Here it is! I'm not mad at you Nico, I am disappointed."

Somehow, Link's words hurt Nico more than he thought they would.

"You are my friend and I love you but what you did to that young man... I have no words to describe it!"

Nico watched Link carefully and there was something in his attitude that he found contradictory. "You said you aren't mad at me but I can tell you're not completely honest with me. You are angry about something and I need to know why."

Link slammed his hand on the counter so hard it made Nico jumped. "Alright! I'm furious Nico and the funny thing is that you didn't even start it! It's an accumulation of lots of things, in which you are involved, that makes me want to punch a wall and yell at the world!"

Opening his mouth to say something, the fellow decided against it, sensing it would be best if he let his friend let it all out.

"You destroyed a beautiful relationship, Nico. I mean, ask anyone in this hospital they will tell you that you probably had the healthiest relationship here! And you threw it away, and for what?"

Nico wasn't sure if it was a question or not but felt compelled to defend himself anyway. "You can't judge me Link, I forbid you to do so! You don't know shit about my relationship with Levi or what went wrong!"

"For sure I don't know what went wrong! But I guess that you are the one to blame!"

"I don't get it! Why does it matter so much to you?"

Slamming both of his hands on the counter, Link was on the verge of crying, with tears forming on the corner of his eyes. He didn't even care about their colleagues watching them. "Because it hurts Nico!"

Eyes widening in surprise, the fellow looked at the single tear rolling on his friend's face.

"Do you have any idea what I'm going through with Amelia?" He asked with a much lower voice. "Do you have any idea how much I would have loved her to be more like Levi? How did I wish she talks to me and tells me what she wants? But she didn't, instead, she just pushed me away because it was easier and now I have to accept that she ended things between us."

Taking a deep yet shaky breath, Link tried to compose himself. "I can't believe you dare to ask me why I'm so upset! You have no idea how lucky you were, to have someone willing to share everything with you? Because in case it's not clear enough, relationships are about sharing. It can be anything, I'm in pain, I'm in love, I'm hungry, I need to pee, anything! You had that amazing man that loved you more than anything and you pushed him away because you don't know and don't want the sharing feelings part of a relationship? Then, Levi was right. Use your Grindr account and fuck some random stranger if sex is the only thing you want."

Link didn't let Nico the time to come up with a reply and left. But the young fellow was too stunned to react. Link's words still echoing in his mind. It was as his friend's words made more sense to him now than it did before. Maybe because the adage was right, a man realizes what he has only when he loses it.

Taking his phone out of pocket, he started texting someone.

**_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_ **

Closing his locker, Levi sat down on the bench and took his head in his hands. He's been so busy today he didn't have time to think about Nico or last night, but the simple fact of seeing him a few minutes earlier was enough to bring back all the awful feelings he thought he locked up.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to Joe's with us?" Taryn asked, playing with his phone.

"I'm not in the mood," Levi answered slowly. "What are you doing with my phone?"

"I downloaded Tinder on your phone and am actively searching for the man who's going to make you forget Nico."

Levi tried to reach out immediately for his device, only to have Taryn pushing his hands away. "Taryn, I told you I'm not ready."

"Please! You and I both know you're secretly hoping for Nico to come to his senses and promise to act like the boyfriend you deserve to have."

"I'm not that naïve anymore."

Looking briefly at him, Taryn nodded and then continued to play with his phone.

"So why don't you tell me what you are really doing with my phone?"

Freezing, Taryn wondered if Levi really suspected something or if he was bluffing. She was about to answer when a soft knock on the door drew their attention. They turned their head and spotted Nico.

"What are you doing here?" Levi asked bitterly.

"I texted him," Taryn answered before moving towards him. She handed him Levi's phone and murmured, "don't make me regret my decision." She gave him Levi's phone and left the locker room.

Nico closed the door, then took a few steps forward. "Can I?"

Levi glanced at his pointed finger, asking if he could sit next to him on the bench and barely nodded.

Nico sat next to him, Levi's phone in his hands. The young intern didn't try to take it back, he just waited for his ex to say something. The fellow straddled the bench to face Levi's side.

"I need to show you something."

Nico opened Levi's phone and, from the corner of his eyes, the intern could see Nico tap on the Tinder icon. Curious as to what he wanted to show him, he turned his head to have a better view on his phone. Nico handed it to him showing him their picture profile on each side of the screen and a heart in between.

"What does that mean?" Levi asked.

"This is your Tinder account, and it looks like we matched."

Levi took his phone back and looked at the screen. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I want to start over. I made a terrible mistake and I'm sorry, I want to make it up to you if you let me."

Levi looked at Nico for a few seconds before fiddling with his phone. Nico watched him and felt a pang in his heart when Levi deleted his Tinder account.

"What are you doing?"

Instead of answering right away, Levi stood up, picked his bag and turned to face Nico. "Thank you for trying Nico, but this time, it's gonna take a lot more than an apology and an attempt at wooing me."

Levi started heading for the door when Nico got up quickly. "I'm trying Levi!"

The intern stopped dead in his track and turned around to face Nico. "Do you remember what you told me after you lost Josh?"

The question brought back a lot of bad memories for Nico who closed his eyes and tried to push the pain away.

"You told me I was a failure when I tried to be there for you..."

"Levi..."

"No, let me finish! You hurt me that day, but you came to me to apologize, then you told me you wanted to try to open up more to people... To me." Levi paused as if to search for his words. "I believed you that day and I really tried to help you, to talk to you. We did great at first, though you had your limits. But since your parents came in town, since you admitted you weren't out, you've been pushing me away and refused to tell me why you called me a baby gay when you weren't out yourself. I just wanted an explanation, something I think I deserved. But then, I thought you needed more space, but you came back to me, again."

Nico opened his mouth but Levi raised a finger to silence him.

"But this time, you didn't apologize. You came back and shushed me with sex and when I tried to have a conversation, something decent couples do, you had the balls to tell me I wanted to change you and threatened to end things between us if I wasn't satisfied with what you were giving me. I was so scared to lose you that I begged you to stay, but I'm not gonna make that mistake twice."

"So it's over, that's what you're saying?" Nico asked his throat aching.

"What I'm trying to say is that I don't want this Nico," Levi answered pointing him with his hands. "I want a Nico that is honest, with himself and with the others, including his family."

"Oh, I get it now! I practically forced you to come out to everyone so you're doing the same."

Levi nodded. "But do you know why I'm asking you that?"

"Isn't it some kind of revenge?"

Levi clenched his teeth and tried to not take Nico's remark personally, knowing fully well he reacted that way because he was hurt.

"No, it's not. You, pushing me to come out was the best thing that ever happened to me. When I finally came out to my mom, I felt free. It is the best feeling in the world and if I'm asking you to do the same it's because I love you. And I want you to be happy, even if we're not together anymore."

Opening the door, Levi left a crying Nico in the locker room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? How did you like it?
> 
> Don't hesitate to leave a comment and see you soon for the, probably, final chapter ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hesitate to tell me what you thought about it, it always helps ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading and see you soon for chapter two (who should be the last one, but I'm not sure yet).


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